Well, since I can't do it anymore, I guess I'll say it. I wanted to make a cupcake for her birthday. I mean, it's cheaper than buying a slice of cake, and it's more... hmm how shall I put it... from me. Anyone can buy something for someone.
I know I shouldn't be bitching about it, because I'm 21 this year and should be oh-so-mature, but I just want to type it all out. Unless you'd rather I open my mouth and speak. Because what I'll say out won't be very pretty.
So I told my mom I wanted to make cupcakes, and she went all "Okay" and saying that I'm lucky that she was free on Saturday to stay home and supervise. She never trusts me with the kitchen. I can't even cook noodles or boil water on my own. She doesn't seem to understand how pathetic I look when I admit that I've never "boil water before." All she cares of is that her kitchen is so clean, maybe so that it can sparkle and shine out some food or something.
Anyway, since she gave her blessings, I thought that everything was more or less settled. It's like everything is going according to plan.
Then, this morning, she just came into my room and showed me some magazine talking about some shop selling cupcake, and said she help me buy that one for me to give; saying I cannot bake the cupcake. Now, maybe at this point you readers feel that that is okay, but to me I was really, really pissed. My mom decided to back out last minute just because she think the cupcake-baking would mess up her kitchen? Have you ever had your things planned out nicely and suddenly someone do some stunt and screw up your entire plan? Then she gets angry that I want to make a cupcake and that I'm not willing to just buy one. If I wanted to buy something, I wouldn't even bother asking you. She doesn't seem to get how much nicer it is to give a gift made by you rather than bought by you.
So I tried my best to keep calm and say I'll just buy a cake. And when I go out one-to-one with someone and buy a cake, why the f*** would I buy an entire cake? Of course I will just buy a slice for her to eat; just to celebrate her birthday. My mom started scolding about me spending so much money to buy one whole cake for a girl, and that "you think you got so much money" thingy. I'm not sure if it's because from a parent point of view, they cannot see the child's situation from the child's point of view, but all I can say is that my mom's pretty blind about this.
Then she keeps scolding about how I don't want to tell her about me and this girl. I mean, firstly there's nothing much to say,at least to a parent. It's not like they can give solid advice. No offence, but they'll tend to act all "master of relationship" and expect you to listen to their every word. My friends live in the now with me, they know how things go with our generation, so common sense naturally says "consult friends". My mom seems to think that she knows everything about love and relationship, but I don't think the same. So she gets all pissed at me for it. Sorry mom, but looking at your relationship with dad, it's not all sunshine and rainbows. I mean, it mostly is, but I definitely will not make the same mistakes as you two probably made in marriage and parenting.
Secondly, shouldn't I have the freedom to decide what I share and not share with you? Just because I'm living under your roof, your care, doesn't mean my life must be a total open book for you. Sometimes I feel like you are digging out info more for some juicy story and entertainment than to help me. Like I'm some Korean drama unfolding, all for you to enjoy. No offence, but I'm not sure what you can help with either, when it comes to consulting about relationships. Shouldn't it be up to me to decide when I want to share such information with you? I'm 21 this year, I'm not a little boy anymore, shouldn't I be allowed to keep my own life my own story? Maybe you are too used to taking care of me, but I'm not some little boy any more. I've come to a point where I want to live on my own, cook my own food, find love, think about having kids, deciding my career in future; I'm growing up. As childish and eccentric I may be, I'm thinking of things as an independent person. As much as I enjoy the care you show me, I have my life I want to explore and live. I cannot stay under your wing forever.
But arguing with you is a lost cause. You'll never bother to see things from an outside point of view. I'll just keep quiet and tolerate. I mean, what's the point of me saying anything to argue? So I shall keep quiet. And when I keep quiet, you start to get all pissed again, just because I don't say anything.
Lucky for me, I bought a present yesterday, so even without the cupcake at least I can salvage my plans.
End of Bitching.
No comments:
Post a Comment