How to fix a broken heart

Well, my "inside info" :P kinda told me that it's no chance to win that girl, so i'm calling quits. sure it stings, but love is never easy. if love is being overshadowed by wealth and status, so be it. maybe I'm just the stupid fool who believes in REAL love for a person...

haha so i'm gonna go back to the clubbing scene, not becos i'm some crazy guy,but to distract myself from the painful truth of my life...

there goes my motivation in life out the window...



A broken heart heals in time,
and you get up to take a shot on love again.
But when love turns its back on you,
do you turn yours too?
When you fall too many times,
will you finally decide to stay down?

Behind the mask...





Happy 19th birthday, to foolish lil' me...

...

I'm so lost in Life right now...need some space to breathe and think...


I just want some alone time...
away from all my troubles...

Got a camera!

bought a camera!!!but too tired to blog about anything...goodnitez world.hope i'll be back to normal tmr!haha

The chances of winning her has just got even less...


If you know who she is, will you help me keep it a secret?


Music makes my heart beat, and you're like the music of my Life

today went to gym with jeff and kenny.my muscles DIED DAMN EARLY.still aching from previous gyming i guess haha then went to jeff's house to PSP (damn gotta cut down),and went to tampines to prepare for sihua's return XD

met cr for lan and dinner.i only played becos i'd die of boredom and exhaustion if i simply watched them play for 2 hours...and we laughed so hard during dinner i think my abs got training haha

gonna buy a camera at sitex tmr!!!if it's within my budget...



I can't go any further then this
I want you so badly, it's my biggest wish

My top songs currently:
-Cookie Jar - Gym Class Heroes
-Live A Little - Gym Class Heroes
-Remedy - Little Boots
-Whatever You Like - T.I.
-Good Girls Gone Bad - Cobra Starship

haha long weekend!ultimate happy!

today gonna gym!maybe sitex later,if not i'll go do some shopping!haha

i'm not interested in lan.so don bother asking me anymore.it's a waste of my time and money.cheap thrills.i'm a gamer no more.haha and i'll never love l4d2 like how i loved l4d

lol my coursemates suggest either clubbing on my b-day(which is LADIES NITE =D) or getting me a prostitute from geylang ROFL i saw for myself these poor gals at geylang when my fren gave us a "tour" in his ride...some girls really look damn good.why did they take such job?why not modelling?some really have de potential...if i ever encounter a prostitue,i'd want to interview her and ask about her "job"...then maybe i'll post online.really really sad to see them like that...what these poor ladies are gg through...and FUCK those sickos who gos to find these ladies


Baby, you could have whatever you like
I said, you could have whatever you like

Look Ma,no hands!

short week ahead!thursday evening booking out alr, and wed is night's out!

ah!!!PSP!come back soon!wanna rock band...

wanna buy a new camera soon...but no money.gotta use it for sth else :P

photoshoot!12 dec!12 noon!gotta rmb...so don make plans on 12 dec afternoon ppl XD

JAMJAMJAMJAMJAMJAMDAMMITJAMJAMJAMJAMJAMJAMJAM!!!




This is practically me right now,
when I think about you,
beautiful stranger...

shopped=satisfied

finally did some shopping!think i'll do it once a month or sth...haha.bought 2 jeans, 2 shirts, a hoodie, and a cool bag! lol spam spam spam

ate MFM again tonite.wth...maybe i'll go anti-fish this whole week XD

short week ahead!...i think

sentosa this friday?

gotta study for AR test dammit...

so sleepy but can't sleep...

need 2 fix my psp asap

dying to jam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

need to contact modelling agency soon,set a date for photoshoot (if they remember me haha)

planning on how to welcome sihua back(she'll probably wish we weren't there)

gotta work some pecs,prepare for IPPT test...

2012 was quite good, but got me thinking about death all over again =(

must remember to take my weight.see if i lost any =)


Love sick

Heaven Can Wait

here's a song for the nights
i think to much and
here's a song when i imagine us together
here's a song for when we talk too much
and i forget my words

heaven can wait up high in the sky
its you and i
heaven can wait deep down in your eyes
i'm yours tonight
lay your heart next to mine
i feel so alive
tell me you want me to stay, forever
cause heaven can wait

here's a song for the one who stole my heart
and ran so far, that cupid couldn't catch her
here's a song for the kid who aims so high
he shot her down

heaven can wait up high in the sky
it's you and i
heaven can wait deep in your eyes
i'm yours tonight
lay your heart next to mine
i feel so alive
tell me you want me to stay forever
cause heaven can wait!

here's a song for the night
i drink too much and spill my words

heaven can wait up high in the sky
it's you and i
heaven can wait deep down in your eyes
im yours tonight
lay your heart next to mine
i feel so alive
tell me u want me to stay,forever...
cause heaven can wait!

cause heaven can wait!
cause heaven can wait!

Finish!

end of summex!!!yahoo!!!very close to 3rd sergeant rank and increase in pay $$$ but seriously summex wasn't tough...just a lot of rotting to do.i rot 75% of each day and thursday was de best...sleeping whole day at staircase.best kind of field camp i'd say...

gotta start gyming...grow some muscles XD

there were times when I felt like giving up...

but I thought about you and I fought on to the very end...

l4d 2? give me 1 instead.

ok yest tried l4d 2 demo at cr's place.haha i bought him lunch, and his mom was like,"chuan rui so fat alr, still eat these kind of food" in chinese.i told her "don worry i nvr upsize" ROFL

and i got a surprise when i saw deren there.hwe was watching HIMYM season4.i tried to connect to de wi fi at cr's place with my psp but FAIL.lol and cr still has 3 weeks before end of A levels...JAM!!!

so back to l4d 2.it has a ridiculous atmosphere.at least l4d was dark and kinda scary, but l4d 2 is so bright, so open, and de special infected gotten uglier.smoker looks like crap, boomer is practically useless in de demo,and de jockey is wth.de weapons are no big deal, but i have to say i LOVE the parang.slicing de heads off oncoming zombies is the new orgasm in l4d XD demo was frigging short and rather disappointing.the new characters are... :S though i've to admit de intro video was rather good.it looked damn realistic and de way the characters expressions are shown...beautiful.looks like america is catching up with japan's final fantasy kinda graphics haha

wasted time at the lan shop...haha told u guys not to go XDXDXD next time listen to lil' me plz.and there a lot of ah lians and no-lifers playing audition and maple.Good Lord seriously!come all de way to dhoby ghaut to play this kind of games...not like the rates are good or anything...

Rock Band Unplugged ftw!if i can't jam real in reality,i'll do it in-game =)


Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Jason's back, tell a fren

BACK!thank God!1 more week of outfield crap and camo cream b4 i'm a (kinda) free birdy.haha actually wasn't that bad.each day simply deploy once and lay around de rest of the day.and i totally spammed milo powder.thank you obama!make the pre-summex end early!haha definitely got my vote next elections(in my dreams maybe)

need to hit de gym!feel so weak after no training for a week.gotta build some muscles somewhere ROFL

just so tired...

PS. Field rations sux.Go hungry instead.



How do you win the heart of a total stranger?

countdown to pre-summex and summex!shit shit shit wan time to fly at mach 3 or sth...haha another great obstacle in life...

...but all these obstacles are nothing to me, 'cause I'll overcome them to meet you at the end

I just received de news from lisa about rosh's loss...it's really a devastating blow.i hope rosh will have de strength in him to stay strong.if you ever need us we'll be there for you man...

guys,rmb what i said last week when you all insisted on me going clubbing?i told u guys that i wanted to spend time with my family becos you never know what happened...

once again i'm sorry rosh for what just happened in your life,and for the rest of you guys,every minute with your family is precious.treasure it instead of letting your pride or "independence" or watever your excuse is to stop you...

Up the (damn big) hill, down the slope

Wow this next 2 weeks are gonna be screwed up.OUTFIELD!another big uphill in life, but this time,i've got a motivation to drive me on.ultimate motivation!haha

actually hell started last week.this week had sunday confinement and today guard duty,so this week i was stuck in camp for 6 and half days.a guy can go nuts in such a situation.and only got a chance to use internet on monday,which means 5 days w/o FB and other wonderful internet sites...and to put a cherry on this wonderful dessert, a missile slammed into my right middle finger during a practical test yest.fortunately for the design of the system,there's a gap between the missile and the cradle,so my finger was merely crushed.if no gap,well,i'd only have one middle finger left.

gotta train my body!gonna hit the gym once my outfield is over!gotta work my shape...and define those 6 buggers XD after all, i don wanna look ugly in the photo shoot =)


It is simple things like this that I want to enjoy in my life...

The other me...

Have you ever feared death so bad that you feel so small and just wanna go one corner and emo?have you ever yearned to love someone so badly?have you ever hoped for someone to be there with you for the rest of your life?

I have. That's why ppl see me in a wrong manner.

"jan is sex-hungry".lol seriously i dunno where this came from.my bunkmates think me that way when I've NEVER ever talked about sex before.haha. And to me,i just wanna have someone important in my life, someone i can love and hold, someone who'd I'd die for and do my best just for her. I'm just the kind of guy who wants to enjoy married life(kids can totally wait,seriously).i mean,when i think of death, i feel like i plummet into this huge,black abyss of emptiness. the cold and loneliness eats into my heart, and my mind can simply steer off a cliff.If only there was someone there...to be the light in my life...and God doesn't count btw XD and why de hell do i look like i have sex b4...

one reason why i stop playing games alr becos i always feel like i wasted a few hours of my life,when all those precious minutes can be spent on sth better.i also hate death movies becos it just brings that death thing into my mind again (That's why i wasn't keen on watching Final Destination,CR gang haha)

Family is important becos nobody lives forever. One day, who knows who might just be taken away from you?Death is the point of no return.

One day i'll smoke,pierce my ear,and donate blood

If life's so boring, why not just end it?

I could have remembered to take back my psp if i followed ernest a bit longer

I could have spent some quality time with my family before my early book in

I could have caught up with some sleep

I could have been able to go online for a while or watch some TV

BUT THE NIGHT WAS FUCKED UP FUCKED UP FUCKED UP FUCKED UP FUCKED UP FUCKED UP FUCKED UP FUCKED UP FUCKED UP FUCKED UP FUCKED UP

FUCK EVERYTHING,SERIOUSLY