Because Wonderful Is Defined As You

You asked me tonight, why I said you're wonderful.

You like me for who I am.
You don't ask me to be someone I'm not.
You somehow connect with me on so many levels.
You have an ideal height of a girlfriend I would want.
You always appreciate my care for you, despite how unreasonable I may be.
You take into consideration my feelings whenever you want to express yourself.
You are always there to cheer me up, whenever I feel lousy.
You understand how I feel, without me needing to say much.
You enjoy my touch; I enjoy yours.
You are mature for your age, which is a good thing.
You always think about me before yourself, which is really admirable.
You make me feel special.

I always dreamed of having someone who shared my interests, or at least understood them. Someone who understood me and accepted me for who I am. I always wondered what were the odds of finding someone that good. But apparently, I managed to find someone better.

That scary little thought that,
what if in the end I just disappoint her?
That she loses interest in me,
or I never live up to her expectations?

Why build a relationship that's just like any other couple's one?
I say we build our own one :)

MEMOIRS OF A BUTLER

THE FIRST TIME I LAID MY EYES ON YOU AT STGCC, APART FROM THINKING YOU WORKED AT A MEIDO CAFE, I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED PRETTY. SO PRETTY THAT IN FACT, I DIDNT WANT TO TAKE A PHOTO WITH YOU BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D EVER NOTICE OR REMEMBER ME. I FELT OUT OF MY LEAGUE BECAUSE YOU LOOKED REALLY ATTRACTIVE. MY HEART SKIPPED A BEAT WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO TAKE A PHOTO WITH ME, AGAIN WHEN YOU ASKED FOR MY COSCARD. MY HEART SANK WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO PASS YOU, THINKING THAT FATE HAD YET AGAIN PULLED A PRANK ON ME BY LETTING ME GET SO CLOSE TO KNOWING THIS GIRL AND YET NEVER BE ABLE TO CONTACT HER EVER AGAIN.

BUT I GUESSED WRONG. I HAD THAT CARD IN MY WALLET AND I GAVE IT TO YOU. WHEN YOU ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK I WAS ELATED; YOU THANKED ME FOR ACCEPTING AND I REPLIED. THE END. BUT I WANTED TO CHAT WITH YOU. SO FOR DAYS, I WAITED FOR THAT PHOTOGRAPHER FRIEND OF YOURS (WHO WAS IN FACT SHAN RUI), TO UPLOAD THE PHOTO OF US, FOR ME TO USE AS MY PROFILE PICTURE AND TO USE THE OPPORTUNITY TO TALK TO YOU. AND FINALLY THE DAY CAME, AND I TOOK THE CHANCE TO START A CONVERSATION WITH YOU, OPENING WITH ASKING IF I COULD USE THE PHOTO SINCE YOUR FACE WAS ON IT(I ASKED SHAN RUI TOO AFTER THAT OF COURSE).

FROM THERE OUR CHATTING BEGAN. IT STARTED POLITELY, AND THEN WE JUST WENT CRAZY. SOMEHOW, I STARTED TO FOLLOW YOUR CHATTING STYLE. AND AS WE TALKED WE SHARED OUR INTERESTS, FROM PERSONA 3 TO OTHER STUFF SUCH AS PIZZA AND MOVIES. MANY A TIME WE WOULD THINK OF THE SAME THINGS, AND I WOULD WONDER HOW FORTUNATE I WAS TO MEET SOMEONE WHO WAS SO MUCH IN SYNC WITH ME.

AND SOON OUR CHATS BECAME SOMETHING I LOOKED FORWARD TO EVERY DAY, AND I STARTED TO DEVELOP FEELINGS FOR YOU. I DIDN'T SAY IT, I DIDN'T SHOW IT. OR AT LEAST, I THINK I DIDN'T. I WONDERED IF MY HEART WAS PLAYING TRICKS ON ME, BUT I DID A SPOT CHECK. I ENJOYED EVERY MOMENT SPENT TALKING TO YOU, I THINK ABOUT CHATTING WITH YOU WHEN WE WERE NOT, AND I WOULD FEEL A SMALL TINGE OF JEALOUSY WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT OTHER GUYS OR WITH THEM. WAS I REALLY FALLING FOR YOU?

I NEVER DID "STALK" YOUR PROFILE UNTIL I KNEW YOU BETTER, AND WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU ALSO HAD "STALK" MINE. I COULD SEE POSTS BY YOU THAT WERE RELATED TO ME AND YET I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING TO MAKE IT STOP. I... ENJOYED BEING FANGIRLED BY YOU. AND I LOOKED AT YOUR PHOTOS AND PREVIOUS POSTS TOO.

AS WE CONTINUED CHATTING I STARTED TO GET MORE BOLD, PLAYFULLY SAYING THINGS TO YOU THAT SEEMED FLIRTY. I WANTED TO "TEST WATER", AND YOU SEEMED NOT TO MIND. SOON I FELT THAT MAYBE THINGS WOULD BE POSSIBLE BETWEEN US, AND THE PHOTOSHOOT WAS A GOOD OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE MY MOVE. IT TOOK A WHILE, BUT I FINALLY DECIDED TO ASK YOU OUT FOR AFTER THE SHOOT. I FEARED YOU MIGHT HAVE FINISHED FANGIRL-ING OVER ME, WHICH MEANT YOU WOULD REJECT ME.

AND YET YOU SAID YES. AND EVERYTHING, AS WE KNOW, IS HISTORY. SO IF AFTER ALL THESE, AND YOU THINK I WOULD GET TIRED OF YOU AND RUN OFF WITH SOME OTHER GIRL, THEN I WOULD SAY IT WOULD BE A BLESSING IN DISGUISE BECAUSE YOU SHOULDN'T DESERVE A CHEATING SCUMBAG LIKE ME.

I've found someone who matters to me as much as I matter to her.

We were just a romance waiting to happen

Any time not spent with you is spent missing you.

You and I

I miss your smile.

I miss your touch.

I miss our talks.

I miss the warmth.

I miss your hand in mine.

I miss your laugh.

I miss that nice smell on your hair.

I miss hearing your breathing as you fall asleep.

I miss playing around with you in front of the mirror.

I miss telling you that i like you.

I miss hearing it back from you.

I'm missing you already.

Today, we meet again. And maybe, something more :)

I seriously wonder who is it that's reading my rantings on my blog.

Put on that smile!

Just smile,
Let the world think that everything's fine.
Because don't fuck it up,
Like how it fucked you up.

As the day comes nearer, I just can't help but feel more certain that my feelings for you are true.

Codename: Chiaki

A friend asked me where was "your Chiaki".
I laughed and say, "She's not mine!"
Not yet.

This saturday, i want to show you how much you mean to me, and how much i care :)

I wish I didn't think so highly of myself in your life,
thinking I could make things better for you.
In the end, I did the total opposite.
Nothing can stop me from feeling all this guilt,
and I wish I didn't hurt you so much :(


Times like these, I wish I could simply disappear from your life.

But who could blame you?

Now I just feel like a world-class jerk. And that you probably like me even less as of now. But who could blame you?

Funny how you telling me to cheer up can easily do so

Sometimes, I wish I meant more to you than a -

Maybe I Should Call My Blog Venting Zone Or Something

I want to learn not to care TOO much,
Because I'll just make myself miserable.

Wondering where'd you go,
Wishing I didn't fall asleep.
It sucks to wonder like that,
Waiting for god-knows how long.

It's killing me inside so badly right now :(

Because I Suck. Big Time.

I wish I knew how to not be a burden.

Not Really

No. Not really. I say I'm fine with it, but why would I like guys that are of a much older age tickling and poking you like that? However, I'd say "disgusted" is too harsh a word to describe how I feel. Maybe... "disappointed"? I can't find the right word to use. But yes, it disturbs me a little that there are guys of that age doing that to a young girl like you.

Importance is the key(word)

To think that you'd change your plans of going overseas.
To think that you'd cut down on your gaming so much just to chat.
To think that you'd change your sleeping cycle just to be more like mine.
To think that your mood changes because mine does.
To think that I'd make such great changes to your life.

If that doesn't show me how much I mean to you, I don't know what does.

Because two is a company, and everybody loves some company.

I wondered why you would lie on your bed, choosing to chat instead of sleep when you feel so tired. Even though I bug you to just go to sleep. Then I think about how you're alone every day, and hearing the stories of your life, and I realized.

You could use someone to keep you company.

And I think I want to be that "someone".

Because I am a fool.

Where do I begin?

When I know of your "online boyfriend", which anyone would know is all play, but yet it bothers me, making me wonder what I am to you, actually.
When a guy who I know is asking you out for real, yet you seem to think nothing of it, while I think the world of it.
When I go to your profile and I see him saying, "Shall we?", and I see you liking it, as if it is a "yes".
When I want to go to your profile, for no reason, but remembering I'll just see that post there again.
When I see something funny on Tumblr, and I want to share it with you, but you're not online, and I remember the pain I feel.
When I lost all mood to do anything, because I just think about you and all the stuff.
When I want to tell you so badly how I feel right now, but yet I stop myself because I fear its repercussions.
When I know how close you are to a person who has done so much for you, and how it troubles me.
When I feel sad yet happy when I see that my mood spoils yours.
When a smiley from you somehow makes me smile a little, even when my heart is in a turmoil.
When I realize, that maybe I'm just being a fool.

Does this means, this is where it ends?