Because Wonderful Is Defined As You

You asked me tonight, why I said you're wonderful.

You like me for who I am.
You don't ask me to be someone I'm not.
You somehow connect with me on so many levels.
You have an ideal height of a girlfriend I would want.
You always appreciate my care for you, despite how unreasonable I may be.
You take into consideration my feelings whenever you want to express yourself.
You are always there to cheer me up, whenever I feel lousy.
You understand how I feel, without me needing to say much.
You enjoy my touch; I enjoy yours.
You are mature for your age, which is a good thing.
You always think about me before yourself, which is really admirable.
You make me feel special.

I always dreamed of having someone who shared my interests, or at least understood them. Someone who understood me and accepted me for who I am. I always wondered what were the odds of finding someone that good. But apparently, I managed to find someone better.

That scary little thought that,
what if in the end I just disappoint her?
That she loses interest in me,
or I never live up to her expectations?

Why build a relationship that's just like any other couple's one?
I say we build our own one :)

MEMOIRS OF A BUTLER

THE FIRST TIME I LAID MY EYES ON YOU AT STGCC, APART FROM THINKING YOU WORKED AT A MEIDO CAFE, I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED PRETTY. SO PRETTY THAT IN FACT, I DIDNT WANT TO TAKE A PHOTO WITH YOU BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D EVER NOTICE OR REMEMBER ME. I FELT OUT OF MY LEAGUE BECAUSE YOU LOOKED REALLY ATTRACTIVE. MY HEART SKIPPED A BEAT WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO TAKE A PHOTO WITH ME, AGAIN WHEN YOU ASKED FOR MY COSCARD. MY HEART SANK WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO PASS YOU, THINKING THAT FATE HAD YET AGAIN PULLED A PRANK ON ME BY LETTING ME GET SO CLOSE TO KNOWING THIS GIRL AND YET NEVER BE ABLE TO CONTACT HER EVER AGAIN.

BUT I GUESSED WRONG. I HAD THAT CARD IN MY WALLET AND I GAVE IT TO YOU. WHEN YOU ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK I WAS ELATED; YOU THANKED ME FOR ACCEPTING AND I REPLIED. THE END. BUT I WANTED TO CHAT WITH YOU. SO FOR DAYS, I WAITED FOR THAT PHOTOGRAPHER FRIEND OF YOURS (WHO WAS IN FACT SHAN RUI), TO UPLOAD THE PHOTO OF US, FOR ME TO USE AS MY PROFILE PICTURE AND TO USE THE OPPORTUNITY TO TALK TO YOU. AND FINALLY THE DAY CAME, AND I TOOK THE CHANCE TO START A CONVERSATION WITH YOU, OPENING WITH ASKING IF I COULD USE THE PHOTO SINCE YOUR FACE WAS ON IT(I ASKED SHAN RUI TOO AFTER THAT OF COURSE).

FROM THERE OUR CHATTING BEGAN. IT STARTED POLITELY, AND THEN WE JUST WENT CRAZY. SOMEHOW, I STARTED TO FOLLOW YOUR CHATTING STYLE. AND AS WE TALKED WE SHARED OUR INTERESTS, FROM PERSONA 3 TO OTHER STUFF SUCH AS PIZZA AND MOVIES. MANY A TIME WE WOULD THINK OF THE SAME THINGS, AND I WOULD WONDER HOW FORTUNATE I WAS TO MEET SOMEONE WHO WAS SO MUCH IN SYNC WITH ME.

AND SOON OUR CHATS BECAME SOMETHING I LOOKED FORWARD TO EVERY DAY, AND I STARTED TO DEVELOP FEELINGS FOR YOU. I DIDN'T SAY IT, I DIDN'T SHOW IT. OR AT LEAST, I THINK I DIDN'T. I WONDERED IF MY HEART WAS PLAYING TRICKS ON ME, BUT I DID A SPOT CHECK. I ENJOYED EVERY MOMENT SPENT TALKING TO YOU, I THINK ABOUT CHATTING WITH YOU WHEN WE WERE NOT, AND I WOULD FEEL A SMALL TINGE OF JEALOUSY WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT OTHER GUYS OR WITH THEM. WAS I REALLY FALLING FOR YOU?

I NEVER DID "STALK" YOUR PROFILE UNTIL I KNEW YOU BETTER, AND WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU ALSO HAD "STALK" MINE. I COULD SEE POSTS BY YOU THAT WERE RELATED TO ME AND YET I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING TO MAKE IT STOP. I... ENJOYED BEING FANGIRLED BY YOU. AND I LOOKED AT YOUR PHOTOS AND PREVIOUS POSTS TOO.

AS WE CONTINUED CHATTING I STARTED TO GET MORE BOLD, PLAYFULLY SAYING THINGS TO YOU THAT SEEMED FLIRTY. I WANTED TO "TEST WATER", AND YOU SEEMED NOT TO MIND. SOON I FELT THAT MAYBE THINGS WOULD BE POSSIBLE BETWEEN US, AND THE PHOTOSHOOT WAS A GOOD OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE MY MOVE. IT TOOK A WHILE, BUT I FINALLY DECIDED TO ASK YOU OUT FOR AFTER THE SHOOT. I FEARED YOU MIGHT HAVE FINISHED FANGIRL-ING OVER ME, WHICH MEANT YOU WOULD REJECT ME.

AND YET YOU SAID YES. AND EVERYTHING, AS WE KNOW, IS HISTORY. SO IF AFTER ALL THESE, AND YOU THINK I WOULD GET TIRED OF YOU AND RUN OFF WITH SOME OTHER GIRL, THEN I WOULD SAY IT WOULD BE A BLESSING IN DISGUISE BECAUSE YOU SHOULDN'T DESERVE A CHEATING SCUMBAG LIKE ME.

I've found someone who matters to me as much as I matter to her.

We were just a romance waiting to happen

Any time not spent with you is spent missing you.

You and I

I miss your smile.

I miss your touch.

I miss our talks.

I miss the warmth.

I miss your hand in mine.

I miss your laugh.

I miss that nice smell on your hair.

I miss hearing your breathing as you fall asleep.

I miss playing around with you in front of the mirror.

I miss telling you that i like you.

I miss hearing it back from you.

I'm missing you already.

Today, we meet again. And maybe, something more :)

I seriously wonder who is it that's reading my rantings on my blog.

Put on that smile!

Just smile,
Let the world think that everything's fine.
Because don't fuck it up,
Like how it fucked you up.

As the day comes nearer, I just can't help but feel more certain that my feelings for you are true.

Codename: Chiaki

A friend asked me where was "your Chiaki".
I laughed and say, "She's not mine!"
Not yet.

This saturday, i want to show you how much you mean to me, and how much i care :)

I wish I didn't think so highly of myself in your life,
thinking I could make things better for you.
In the end, I did the total opposite.
Nothing can stop me from feeling all this guilt,
and I wish I didn't hurt you so much :(


Times like these, I wish I could simply disappear from your life.

But who could blame you?

Now I just feel like a world-class jerk. And that you probably like me even less as of now. But who could blame you?

Funny how you telling me to cheer up can easily do so

Sometimes, I wish I meant more to you than a -

Maybe I Should Call My Blog Venting Zone Or Something

I want to learn not to care TOO much,
Because I'll just make myself miserable.

Wondering where'd you go,
Wishing I didn't fall asleep.
It sucks to wonder like that,
Waiting for god-knows how long.

It's killing me inside so badly right now :(

Because I Suck. Big Time.

I wish I knew how to not be a burden.

Not Really

No. Not really. I say I'm fine with it, but why would I like guys that are of a much older age tickling and poking you like that? However, I'd say "disgusted" is too harsh a word to describe how I feel. Maybe... "disappointed"? I can't find the right word to use. But yes, it disturbs me a little that there are guys of that age doing that to a young girl like you.

Importance is the key(word)

To think that you'd change your plans of going overseas.
To think that you'd cut down on your gaming so much just to chat.
To think that you'd change your sleeping cycle just to be more like mine.
To think that your mood changes because mine does.
To think that I'd make such great changes to your life.

If that doesn't show me how much I mean to you, I don't know what does.

Because two is a company, and everybody loves some company.

I wondered why you would lie on your bed, choosing to chat instead of sleep when you feel so tired. Even though I bug you to just go to sleep. Then I think about how you're alone every day, and hearing the stories of your life, and I realized.

You could use someone to keep you company.

And I think I want to be that "someone".

Because I am a fool.

Where do I begin?

When I know of your "online boyfriend", which anyone would know is all play, but yet it bothers me, making me wonder what I am to you, actually.
When a guy who I know is asking you out for real, yet you seem to think nothing of it, while I think the world of it.
When I go to your profile and I see him saying, "Shall we?", and I see you liking it, as if it is a "yes".
When I want to go to your profile, for no reason, but remembering I'll just see that post there again.
When I see something funny on Tumblr, and I want to share it with you, but you're not online, and I remember the pain I feel.
When I lost all mood to do anything, because I just think about you and all the stuff.
When I want to tell you so badly how I feel right now, but yet I stop myself because I fear its repercussions.
When I know how close you are to a person who has done so much for you, and how it troubles me.
When I feel sad yet happy when I see that my mood spoils yours.
When a smiley from you somehow makes me smile a little, even when my heart is in a turmoil.
When I realize, that maybe I'm just being a fool.

Does this means, this is where it ends?

Coscard Design

Yesterday I was at STGCC cosplaying for the first time ever, and someone asked me for a coscard! So I went to do some reading up about coscards and here's my design for it! My cosplay character is from the game Persona 3, and I thought it would be nice to have my coscard related to it.

For the back of the card I'd like to use this:

As for the front, I wanted to use the status screen from the Persona 3 Portable(PSP version) game. Here's some screenshots from my PSP:

I found a template online which is made from the PS2 version of the game, hence the resolutions are not as wide. I'm hoping to use this template for the front, but with some amendments on the template to make it look more like the Persona 3 Portable ones above (Such as the L and R at the top):

Could you change the name on the template from "random" to "Minato"? Apart from changing the name, is it possible to change that status to the "Good" as shown on my Persona 3 Portable sample? I'm not sure why the template has "Annoyed" on it. Things like the Academics, charm, courage, HP, SP, Next EXP can follow the template (maxed out).

Also, as the status screen has a picture of the character, I was wondering if you could crop me from my picture to put it there. I'm thinking of this one here, although I'm not sure if the lighting is bad(maybe using some photo effects can help?) :

Oh and another thing about the character picture. There's this "shadow" background of the character according to the Persona 3 Portable samples. I'm hoping that you could help to do that for me? 

Lastly, I was thinking of putting my contact details at the bottom of the front, which means removing all the wordings at the bottom. Is that ok?haha Sorry that I can only find a large resolution of the PS2 version template and asking you to make it more like the PSP version template. That screenshot of the PSP status screen was the best and largest I could obtain!

Alan Wake

I've just finished Alan Wake, a psychological thriller game, on my PC. And I must say, it was a rather interesting game! Sure, it was not as scary as Silent Hill or F.E.A.R., but it had its moments. The game, I feel, is more played for it's storyline rather than for the action. I find the plot quite impressive, reminding me of the plots in movies like Shutter Island.

The story begins with you, Alan Wake, going on a vacation with your wife to a place called Bright Falls. There, you wind up in a cabin where your wife disappears and you wake up 7 days later, trying to piece together what was going on and finding your wife. Through the game you'll interact with people, learn about the history of Bright Falls, and face the dangers of the Dark Presence in the night.

The gameplay is not too difficult. You're equipped with a torchlight and a pistol to fight the Taken, who are actually people taken over by the Dark Presence to stop you. Your arsenal would soon expand to include things like flare guns and flash grenades, in your battle of light versus dark. In the day, things are pretty standard; you go around talking to people. It is the night time that I dread. Because that is when the Dark Presence comes out to disturb you.

You'll spend time running around forested areas, encountering shadowy figures holding sickles and axes that look like they just stepped out of a horror movie. You need to either kill them or escape in order to progress through the story. Trust me, in this game, you'd be very thankful to find a huge light source such as a street lamp in the middle of the night.

Characters in the game are well-developed, so to speak. Their different personalities in the game make them feel unique and real. I'm always glad to see Barry, as he made a good partner and helped liven things up in the dark, sad world.

This game is not scary in the sense of ghosts and stuff, but more of the dark atmosphere and a bit of paranormal stuff(like flying objects that attempt to bludgeon you to death). The sudden appearance of the Taken, especially when you're in the forest, does not help sooth your soul at all. I always felt a sense of dread whenever the forest turns very foggy, as I took that as a sign that danger was looming.

Everything about this game was impressive. The graphics was good, the plot really reeled me in, and the action ensured that the game was not dull. If there is one thing I would complain about, it would be the "final boss fight". I expected a big, tough battle at the end of the whole game, but in the end, the "fight" was rather simple. I'm not saying that it sucked; I just don't want people to play this game expecting the amount of action to be on par with its focus on storyline. This game is really fun to play, and I'd recommend it to people who enjoys such games!

D-arts Thanatos Toy Review

Sites said end of April, but I only finally got it today! The wait was torturous! But it has arrived! Or actually, I finally went to buy it once it hit the shelf. I've been waiting for this baby for months, and now I'm waiting for the P3 Protagonist figure that is expected to be out in September!

I've always been a huge Persona 3 fan. Sure, Persona 4 looks cool, and I even bought the Izanagi, but there's just something about P3 that makes me prefer it more. So when I heard that Thanatos was going to be made, I was excited. Unfortunately, by the time I discovered its existence, the pre-order was closed. So I waited for this day to come.

The box is much bigger than the one Izanagi was in, which kind of surprised me. And while the Izanagi one had the yellow color identical to it's logo and whatnot, Thanatos was in a nice white/blue one. And the box just looks so cool! Almost made me want to not open it. Almost.

One thing about opening the figure is the amount of tape they use. I had to cut away so many tapes that it made me tired. But I really wanted to display my trophy, and no amount of tape was going to stop me! Apart from the figure, you are given a stand and interchangeable hands for different poses. One thing Thanatos did not have that Izanagi had was the blue flames to make the display figure look more... action-packed(?).

The sculpting of the figure looks really good. I love the design of the "wings", and the use of "chains" on them. The mouth of Thanatos can be opened or closed, and his numerous joints allows him to pose in many ways. Putting on the wings onto the figure was a bigger challenge than anticipated, but I managed to do it eventually.

If there's one thing to point out, it is the stand. When I first put the full figure on the stand, the figure just collapsed, as the stand could not take the weight of the figure. You'll probably need a screwdriver to just tighten the joint of the stand by a bit to resolve this. Even then, it made me extra cautious about adjusting the figure too much while it was attached to the stand.

As a Persona 3 fan, I am greatly pleased with my purchase. It looks exactly like how it is in the game, and the poses it can do makes it fun. I even got to make my Izanagi pose with Thanatos! If you are a fan of the game, I'd recommend this awesome figure to you!

The Walking Dead: The Game

While I was logging out after playing Dota 2, I noticed Steam was showing some The Walking Dead video, and realised it was a game. Now, I tend to be a fan of zombie games, because of the hack-and-slash action you get (such as Left 4 Dead). Yet, I enjoy zombie games that actually have an element of suspense and storyline, which L4D lacks. And The Walking Dead: The Game, is the answer to all prayers.

This game, it seems, is released by "episodes", a total of five. I've only played the first episode, and I must say, it is really good. Better than the television show, in fact. There are moments in the game where you make the tough choices like who to save and what to say, which apparently affects the outcome of your story. And the game is related to the show, as you see familiar faces such as Glenn.

You control Lee, and you are on the way out of Atlanta in a police car for a crime which subtly gets revealed as you progress. Just as things were getting dull in the police car, it runs into a person. A dead one. And that's when all hell breaks loose. You wake up from the crash, only to find your policeman turned into a zombie, and the run begins. You meet people, lose people; make friends, make enemies. The story for the first episode was pretty solid, and everything feels so realistic.

Gameplay-wise, it is not as fast and enjoyable if you like Left 4 Dead, where you run around and spam bullets on zombies just to feel good. This game is slower, with things like mashing the Q button to stop a zombie from feasting on you, and a simple way to attack zombies. Sure, you don't get to use a gun and shoot the crap out of a zombie, but you do get to use tools like a screwdriver or hammer to crack open a skull. I guess it is good to keep out guns as much as possible, as we do not want this game to be just another L4D game. This game balances the elements of story-telling and suspense to keep players thinking, instead of running around and shoot anything that moves. Honestly, there were times I was on the edge of my seat, waiting to see what would happen next.

My only problem is that you must pay to download this game, and I'm not so rich. So I downloaded the game. But there is only 1 problem I fear: when the next episode comes out, will it be able to read my saved data from the first episode (which is pirated)? I hope so.

And Carley is pretty hot! Probably the reason why I chose to save her and not Doug. Heh.

I think that for around 500MB of download, this game is worth the time. It really pulls you in and feels realistic. Zombie fans can really enjoy this game, and I honestly cannot wait for the next episode to arrive!

New Headphones!!!

Well, finally collected my headphones! Turns out the office was nearer than I anticipated, and was rather near the Ubi driving centre. Spent the day jamming in preparation for the 20th May show, and I just want to watch shows and sleep early tonight!

As much as I want to get into a serious relationship, I realize that maybe I'm not ready to be in one. To want to is one thing, but to be able to, well, I guess that's a totally different story. Seeing how so many of my friends are getting attached, I wonder what I'm lacking. A car? Majority of my friends who are in a relationship has someone who has a car. Or maybe money. I mean, what's the point of getting a girl if I can't afford to go out with her? Sure, people say that they are not materialistic, but face it; going on cheap dates has... expiry dates. Maybe I'm not... boyfriend material. Not just yet. Maybe I need to grow up and away from all my toys, comics, anime and stuff.

But hey, there's still time, so why not enjoy the present? :3

Summer Break

Well, here it is. Summer break. One week of break has passed, and I've not really done much. I won a consolation prize in the Audio-Technica competition. I managed to record my mix to commemorate the beginning of the holidays. I bought new clothes because I've grown fatter. I've started running and hitting the gym to un-fat myself. I'm trying to catch up with my shows. I've finally got started on my cosplay costume. Watched The Avengers and Russell Peters. And I dyed my hair blue again, which is already starting to fade 5 days after I did it.

There's still so much to do, and I really need to find a job to support my spending!

Recently, my friends and I were talking about relationships and stuff. And it's funny how I actually want the trouble of maintaining a relationship, whereby you have less time for yourself to do your own things. I guess I'm quite tired of doing my own things, and yearn to actually have someone to spend time with instead.

Cruel

I hate it when people say that about me, but it is a fact. I mean, what can I say if all they are doing is stating something that is true?

But still....


I mean, I've learnt the hard way, through the years, to consider people's feelings when I open my mouth. There are things people don't like to hear, or being said about them. So I always try my best to watch what I say.

What did I actually do to deserve this?

I honestly wish I can just go for some surgery and get this over with once and for all.

Hello Again

Its been a really long time since I last blogged. I have to admit, Tumblr is the blame. But I love Tumblr. I get to see so many beautiful things and things that I want to see. It's a really interesting site, and I enjoy looking through what people share.

And to have people like and reblog your posts... I have to be honest, it satisfies me. It makes me feel happy that someone appreciates what I share, or enjoys the same taste as me. I'm, in a way, addicted to Tumblr.

And I got to be frank, I'm only blogging now because I want to take a break from my studies. I've been taking a lot of "breaks", which is bad. I'm halfway through my finals and here I am, not taking things seriously enough. It tends to make me wonder if university is where I should be?

So many nice anime out there! Finally caught up with Sket Dance (when I should've been studying), and Polar Bear Cafe is as entertaining as ever! Sket Dance never fails to crack me up! Gosh, I wish the series will never end!

I definitely got to find some work soon. There's so many things to pay for! Russel Peters ticket, my cosplay costume, the new Thanatos figure that is coming out end of the month, PS Vita... I can't keep asking my parents to "sponsor" me.

Recently started playing a lot of games on PSP again, namely God Eater and Valkyria Chronicles 2, on top of my Persona 3 Portable.

On a side note, my reservist in May got cancelled! I'm not sure why, neither am I certain that it is a good thing. I wanted to clear my this year's reservist asap because if I were to cosplay in September, I would want my hair to be at the length I want, which is pretty long. And if I've reservist then, I'd need to cut my hair, and totally ruin my cosplay plans.

And, in a way, I'm glad I didn't think too much about whether us was possible. It makes life easier, and that's good :D

You don't find love.
Not even in unexpected places.
You chance upon it.

Tumblr-ing Down

Well, it has been a long time since I blogged! I apologize, as I've been really busy with school and stuff. Let's start from the top, shall we?

Projects. Assignments. Presentations. That basically sums up my past few weeks! At least they are all cleared, with my last assignment submitted today! I honestly kind of gave up for that one part in the assignment and threw some fake values into it. Now, I've got to start studying for the exams which starts next Monday! 2 weeks from now, I'll be free!

Recently had an event at school, where I was to DJ. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, it sucked. You can judge me for saying so, but I really felt like it was. I wish I didn't go to it, and go Zouk with my friends that night instead. I'm not going to go into the details, but that sums up that night.

The past few nights, I've been forcing myself to wake up while dreaming. I'm not sure how to exactly put it across. It's like, I'm afraid to be in the dream, and I'd keep telling myself to wake up until I did. It happened today again, when I took a nap. I fell into a slumber, and when I was in some dream I started telling myself to wake up. Not sure what the heck that's suppose to mean.

People keep telling me " You so handsome, how can no girlfriend." or "Surely got a lot of girls hang out with you." or "You sure you single?" It feels flattering at first, and then it starts to rub onto me the wrong way. I seriously need to do something about this.

Gonna watch Russell Peters in Singapore! Yahoo!!!

Recently got interested in Tumblr. Not sure why, but I like to visit it and upload stuff too! Wonder why I was not interested in it before...

Hopefully, she does not read my blog. Because, in some way, I developed a bit of feelings for her. I notice the little things about her, and it bugs me whenever I see her with another guy. But ever since my screw-up with the previous girl, I told myself to never follow my heart. Pursuing her would only leave me heartbroken again. Why take the initiative? I've learnt to not listen to my heart anymore.

Finally got That 70's Show, X-men TAS, Spider-man TAS and Batman TAS! Feeling so accomplished!

That's it. This holiday, I'm going to earn money and get my cosplay outfit done! Exams, let's get you over and done with!

DJ In-House

...like, literally. I just bought my Vestax VCI-300 MK2, my ATH-M50 headphones, and a pair of speakers for me to spin at home. Can't wait to do some DJ-ing at home! But, after this week. Hectic week ahead!

And I found a lot of my old pictures that I used for my blog in the past. Shall "recycle" them again!