Ok I know I flipped, but I'm not going to delete that previous post, because it will help me remember my moment of weakness. And I now I kind of realised something, and everything fits perfectly.
I realised the problem didn't lie with the world, but rather with me.
I always wondered why the guys never worry about finding love. I thought that the time wasted on gaming could be spent with someone special if we manage to find that person(i still think gaming is a waste of time btw). So I decided to try to find love.
And through the couple of years all I got was failures and sadness. Yet I thought that soon I'd hit the jackpot. I kept going on and on, and all I did was hurt myself. For what? That question came to my mind eventually.
Then I realised, maybe I was playing it all wrong. As much as I want someone to love, to protect, to worry about, I cannot "find" the person. Because love is not something you find nor plan out, it's more of luck and time. Love, I feel, will come when the time is right. And only a fool like me thought I could catch it, like a little kid trying to grab butterflies with his bare hands.
So, nobody is to be blamed, except for myself. I don't hate anyone, except for myself.
I'll put my blog back to public, firstly because my friends would need to log in just to read which is troublesome. Second, because I want people to not screw up like me. Third, I'm not ashamed to show my flaws, as long as I learn and improve. My blog is not to show how great I am, but rather how great Things in life can change me for the better.
And just like that, I see a bigger picture, and I'm getting up onto my feet again. Life wasn't created to be wasted :)
Gawd I want to eat pizza. Having Domino's tomorrow for lunch! Yahoo!
What can I say?
I can't seem to stay down.
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