Past and Parents

Recently my dad was transferring the old videos recorded when I was a toddler into the computer, for better storage. You see, when I was young, I had some infection that made my parents realise I may not long to live(well, my 19 years of existence proved them wrong! :) ), they decided to record me, making sure not a single second was wasted. Now, watching the videos, different thoughts start crossing my mind. Looking at my 2-year-old self, I wondered what crossed this toddler's mind, and whether he knew that he'd go through shit that I've experienced these years. Did he know he'd hide homework, get scolded, screw his O levels, become a brother, get into a university, and serve NS? I always wondered what I'd do if I could meet my young self. I'd try to teach him values that I learnt the hard way, so that he would not suffer like I did. I'd want to hold him and play with him like a little brother. Such innocence... I tend to wish I didn't lose it.

Then I noticed how much my parents cared and loved me when I was a toddler. 2 feelings: touched, and guilt. Having such great parents really helped me to become what I am today. Without them, I could be on the streets, or a school dropout. But my parents ensured my safe growth, a good education, a place to call home. I know kids may exaggerate when they say that their parents are great, but I honestly feel that they're awesome. As much as I tend to bicker with them, I respect them for what they've done. Just looking back makes me appreciate them even more.

Then there's guilt. When I was younger, I'd get really angry when I did not have things my way. i'd hate my parents for not giving in, thinking that they didn't understand me, that they were idiots, that freedom would be great. If I see my younger self, I'd tell him:"Go ahead. Go out and live alone. You're just being foolish." Thing is, I did not see things from their point of view. Like when my parents told me to be home by 10pm, I'd be damn angry. But think, wouldn't you be worried sick if your kid's out at night and you got no idea if he's still alive? Maybe he ran into some gang and got chopped up? Probably knocked down by some drunk driver? Despite me hating them at times for depriving me of certain things, they still take care of me. To have such patience and devotion, it's admirable. All the more I feel like they deserve more respect from me, and that I'm giving back enough.

So whenever you get angry at your parents, or wonder if you should spend time with family or friends, ask yourself: they've sacrificed so much for you, is it too much to ask you to make a small sacrifice for them? You think you got all the time in the world to repay, but no one lives forever.


When did you last tell them that you love them?



All the hate you have,
Is just your denial to love.