Yesterday my mom told my sister and I during breakfast that she actually had a miscarriage before conceiving me. Apparently, it was one-month old, and probably due to stress or the roller coaster rides she and my dad took, she had a miscarriage during the 20-hour flight from U.S. to Singapore.
To know that you actually could have an older sibling is just... shocking. I could've been a second child. I could have an older sibling to look after me, who I could look up to. The older brother/sister that I would never know of...
But then, if that child was born, I may not have been born. Which means, in a way, my unknown older sibling died for me to live. I now feel like I'm alive at the cost of another's life.
Or maybe I'm just disturbed by how my mom can tell us about this so casually.
Either way, this news shook me up pretty badly.
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