Looking at the photos, I see my grandfather, his hair still black, smiling away. He looked so happy, so joyful. This is a total contrast to his last few months, bed-ridden, his body frail and skinny, his words incoherent, his temper foul, and yet, his eyes were the eyes of a sad man, who could do nothing but helplessly wait for his time to come. What changed along the way?
Looking at the photos, I see my grandmother. She had that fierce presence in the photos, like those cunning mother-in-laws you see in those Chinese dramas. Not saying that she is, but that was the best way to describe the air she had. I never really interacted much with her, but the week before she passed away, I visited her once, and as I stared into her eyes, I saw glassy eyes staring back at me, as if searching my soul for something. Maybe she wanted to see if I was worth being the oldest grandson. Personally, I could tell that she was the kind who favored the sons over daughters, and same went for grandchildren. I'm not a big fan of such biasness, which probably was a reason why I never felt (or wanted to be) close to my grandmother. To me, a person's character speaks a lot, whether relative or not. Maybe that's why, all those years, I failed my role as the oldest grandchild (and grandson) in the family tree. Yet, I am not sure what I'm suppose to do as the oldest. How does one fail if one knows not what he is to achieve?
Looking at the photos, I see my dad. His big smile on his wedding day, with his even bigger glasses. It's some trend in that time I guess. He didn't seem to age much, looking almost the same as the photos, except maybe a bit thinner, probably the result of raising two kids and being a breadwinner of the family. Back then, would he have thought that he would have to bid farewell to his parents? Did he send them off with any regret?
Looking at the photos, I see my mom. She looked so young. And she actually look the same now, except for slight wrinkles from aging. And I found out she gave birth to me when she was only...24? That's quite young, I exclaimed when she told me. But she never went to university, and started working at quite a young age, so I guess 24 was a reasonable age to have a kid. My dad's 5 years ahead of her, by the way. Seeing her in the photo, I wonder what her dreams and ambitions were. Would she realize that she was going to be a housewife, and her only goal in life would be to see her two kids graduate and have promising futures? That is all she seems to ask for in life right now, and sometimes I wish she could be more self-centered and think more for herself.
Looking at the photos, I see myself, so small and innocent, with a big smile showing all my teeth. My mom looked at the photos and told me that it was a long time since I smiled like that. And yes, she was right. That smile I did was the kind that showed the world that I was a happy kid, when nothing else mattered than the now, and that I was having a good life. It was the kind that never bothered about what people think or said about me. It was a carefree smile.
Its nostalgic, looking at the photos. How much we've changed, how much has happened, how people have come and gone in our lives. 21 years since I was born, and here I am today. Makes me wonder what life has planned for me, and how things would be when I look back at the time when I was 21.
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