I am seriously too free

I got bored, so I decided to find some site that would let me make my own customized poker cards. With all my P3 feels, I went ahead and make one for P3, including P3:FES and P3P. It took me a while to decide what pictures to use, as the art was not as good in the past as compared to now. I had a lot of trial and errors, until I finally came to this, and it looks really nice! All I need to do now is consider how many to order. Apparently ordering more would result in cheaper prices per deck. Hence I'm contemplating if I should order a couple more, just to sell. I know it's considered "illegal", but I plan to just sell 4-5 sets? I dunno... I guess I'm really proud of my work and hope to spread it.

Then I went ahead and make a Persona 4 one, which I wanted to make more... vibrant and colourful. While the P3 one was plain, I wanted to make this one more catchy to the eye. I used the artwork from P4U and P4G, as they were the most up-to-date and awesome art, and inculcated the characters from P4U such as Elizabeth and the P3 characters in. I missed out Marie from P4G, but I wasn't sure if she was canon, plus the fact that I ran out of "space" among the cards, brought me to my decision to leave her out.

I did contemplate whether to use fan art found online, but feared that the artists may come and sue me or something. Sure, using official art doesn't make it better, but I'm guessing there's a higher chance that the artists would find more fault than the company.

Despite considering that, I ended up creating a Shingeki no Kyojin deck, this time using fan art along with anime material. It's definitely harder because I googled for way more pictures, and I made it such that every card had their own picture, unlike the Persona series ones. So yeah, it's long, and satisifying (that's what she said). I'm not complete yet though; I'm contemplating waiting for more episodes of the anime (due to lack of pictures), before actually finalizing it and deciding whether to sell some (while getting for my own as well).

Anyway, with that aside, I tried out this new Ultraman series, called Ultraman Ginga, and I guess I outgrew Ultraman, because despite the show taking things differently from its predecessors,  I still found the whole thing quite boring. Even the fighting scenes couldn't make up for it.

Last of all, today I saw a photo in her profile that really shook me and made me realize how horrible a person I was. I became the thing I wanted to protect her from, and was my own worst enemy. Now all I can do is live with regret, for who-knows-how-long...

Nope, this isn't an emo post. Nope.

So life's recently been quite sucky for me. I'm trying to distract myself with other things in life, to keep out the one thing that matters in my life the most, to stop thinking of the pain and emptiness I feel inside. One year ago, I told myself never to get into a relationship because in the end, it fails and hurts me so much. Well, hooray for me for not heeding my own advice. I love her, but apparently she no longer feels the same way.

I've been trying to cope with this, and to at least keep it together. And yet now she treats me like I'm invisible, totally shunning me away, ignoring me. Life's cruel, and love can be a bitch too. But I love her too much to want anyone else but her, and I'm just going to have to do other things in life while waiting for her to be ready again. I don't want this to end. I don't want to lose someone who I hold so dear.

But enough of the emo stuff. Let's see what I've been doing this holiday to try to distract me from the sad truth of reality. I've downloaded loads of shows to watch, just to spend my time and keep me happy (temporarily). I've Xiao Lin Showdown (which I heard that a new series is coming out), The Office (US version), Teen Titans, and Young Justice. I did download a few movies too, just to give them a shot.

I think the thing that I'm most thrilled about is the new trailer and news for the Persona 3 movie! Totally fanboy-ing over this awesome game (which came out in 2006) and finally gets 2-3 movies (this is #1)!!! Totally psyched for it, and I'm going to be cosplaying as the protagonist again this year at events just to express my love for the game! I was suppose to cosplay with her as Yukari, but because of recent... stuff,  I'm cosing alone again. All the wonderful scenes I had hope to do... all gone.

Because Wonderful Is Defined As You

You asked me tonight, why I said you're wonderful.

You like me for who I am.
You don't ask me to be someone I'm not.
You somehow connect with me on so many levels.
You have an ideal height of a girlfriend I would want.
You always appreciate my care for you, despite how unreasonable I may be.
You take into consideration my feelings whenever you want to express yourself.
You are always there to cheer me up, whenever I feel lousy.
You understand how I feel, without me needing to say much.
You enjoy my touch; I enjoy yours.
You are mature for your age, which is a good thing.
You always think about me before yourself, which is really admirable.
You make me feel special.

I always dreamed of having someone who shared my interests, or at least understood them. Someone who understood me and accepted me for who I am. I always wondered what were the odds of finding someone that good. But apparently, I managed to find someone better.

That scary little thought that,
what if in the end I just disappoint her?
That she loses interest in me,
or I never live up to her expectations?

Why build a relationship that's just like any other couple's one?
I say we build our own one :)

MEMOIRS OF A BUTLER

THE FIRST TIME I LAID MY EYES ON YOU AT STGCC, APART FROM THINKING YOU WORKED AT A MEIDO CAFE, I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED PRETTY. SO PRETTY THAT IN FACT, I DIDNT WANT TO TAKE A PHOTO WITH YOU BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D EVER NOTICE OR REMEMBER ME. I FELT OUT OF MY LEAGUE BECAUSE YOU LOOKED REALLY ATTRACTIVE. MY HEART SKIPPED A BEAT WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO TAKE A PHOTO WITH ME, AGAIN WHEN YOU ASKED FOR MY COSCARD. MY HEART SANK WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO PASS YOU, THINKING THAT FATE HAD YET AGAIN PULLED A PRANK ON ME BY LETTING ME GET SO CLOSE TO KNOWING THIS GIRL AND YET NEVER BE ABLE TO CONTACT HER EVER AGAIN.

BUT I GUESSED WRONG. I HAD THAT CARD IN MY WALLET AND I GAVE IT TO YOU. WHEN YOU ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK I WAS ELATED; YOU THANKED ME FOR ACCEPTING AND I REPLIED. THE END. BUT I WANTED TO CHAT WITH YOU. SO FOR DAYS, I WAITED FOR THAT PHOTOGRAPHER FRIEND OF YOURS (WHO WAS IN FACT SHAN RUI), TO UPLOAD THE PHOTO OF US, FOR ME TO USE AS MY PROFILE PICTURE AND TO USE THE OPPORTUNITY TO TALK TO YOU. AND FINALLY THE DAY CAME, AND I TOOK THE CHANCE TO START A CONVERSATION WITH YOU, OPENING WITH ASKING IF I COULD USE THE PHOTO SINCE YOUR FACE WAS ON IT(I ASKED SHAN RUI TOO AFTER THAT OF COURSE).

FROM THERE OUR CHATTING BEGAN. IT STARTED POLITELY, AND THEN WE JUST WENT CRAZY. SOMEHOW, I STARTED TO FOLLOW YOUR CHATTING STYLE. AND AS WE TALKED WE SHARED OUR INTERESTS, FROM PERSONA 3 TO OTHER STUFF SUCH AS PIZZA AND MOVIES. MANY A TIME WE WOULD THINK OF THE SAME THINGS, AND I WOULD WONDER HOW FORTUNATE I WAS TO MEET SOMEONE WHO WAS SO MUCH IN SYNC WITH ME.

AND SOON OUR CHATS BECAME SOMETHING I LOOKED FORWARD TO EVERY DAY, AND I STARTED TO DEVELOP FEELINGS FOR YOU. I DIDN'T SAY IT, I DIDN'T SHOW IT. OR AT LEAST, I THINK I DIDN'T. I WONDERED IF MY HEART WAS PLAYING TRICKS ON ME, BUT I DID A SPOT CHECK. I ENJOYED EVERY MOMENT SPENT TALKING TO YOU, I THINK ABOUT CHATTING WITH YOU WHEN WE WERE NOT, AND I WOULD FEEL A SMALL TINGE OF JEALOUSY WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT OTHER GUYS OR WITH THEM. WAS I REALLY FALLING FOR YOU?

I NEVER DID "STALK" YOUR PROFILE UNTIL I KNEW YOU BETTER, AND WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU ALSO HAD "STALK" MINE. I COULD SEE POSTS BY YOU THAT WERE RELATED TO ME AND YET I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING TO MAKE IT STOP. I... ENJOYED BEING FANGIRLED BY YOU. AND I LOOKED AT YOUR PHOTOS AND PREVIOUS POSTS TOO.

AS WE CONTINUED CHATTING I STARTED TO GET MORE BOLD, PLAYFULLY SAYING THINGS TO YOU THAT SEEMED FLIRTY. I WANTED TO "TEST WATER", AND YOU SEEMED NOT TO MIND. SOON I FELT THAT MAYBE THINGS WOULD BE POSSIBLE BETWEEN US, AND THE PHOTOSHOOT WAS A GOOD OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE MY MOVE. IT TOOK A WHILE, BUT I FINALLY DECIDED TO ASK YOU OUT FOR AFTER THE SHOOT. I FEARED YOU MIGHT HAVE FINISHED FANGIRL-ING OVER ME, WHICH MEANT YOU WOULD REJECT ME.

AND YET YOU SAID YES. AND EVERYTHING, AS WE KNOW, IS HISTORY. SO IF AFTER ALL THESE, AND YOU THINK I WOULD GET TIRED OF YOU AND RUN OFF WITH SOME OTHER GIRL, THEN I WOULD SAY IT WOULD BE A BLESSING IN DISGUISE BECAUSE YOU SHOULDN'T DESERVE A CHEATING SCUMBAG LIKE ME.

I've found someone who matters to me as much as I matter to her.

We were just a romance waiting to happen

Any time not spent with you is spent missing you.

You and I

I miss your smile.

I miss your touch.

I miss our talks.

I miss the warmth.

I miss your hand in mine.

I miss your laugh.

I miss that nice smell on your hair.

I miss hearing your breathing as you fall asleep.

I miss playing around with you in front of the mirror.

I miss telling you that i like you.

I miss hearing it back from you.

I'm missing you already.

Today, we meet again. And maybe, something more :)

I seriously wonder who is it that's reading my rantings on my blog.

Put on that smile!

Just smile,
Let the world think that everything's fine.
Because don't fuck it up,
Like how it fucked you up.